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Today marks the 60th year of independence day of Malaysia, also Arafah Day. Tomorrow is Eid Adha. In junction of the special day celebrated by the whole nation, I wrote this to show my gratitude to all of the fighters that chipped away their lives to free us. The history I learnt since primary school much helps me to understand this nostalgic moment. When the very first prime minister said, "Merdeka!" for seven times, everybody cheered out loud and thanked to the All-just for giving them the bliss to feel the independence. Merdeka Stadium was noisy and crowded. Why not, everyone was excited to celebrate the big day. No more hustle, no more perpetual torture. These moments. at the end of the day, will either be neglected or remembered, it still is a history. We're the ones who need to make this homeland worth of independence by improving ourselves day by day. Being too overwhelmed and obsessive won't bring us anywhere. Thus, it's time to change, to become better.

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Disclaimer: I don't do dates and never ask guys to go out for the purpose of love, let alone the illogical intentions; here, I talk about what's inside and anything related.

So, did you really click the link I've given? Yes, the link brings you here. Gather your breath and now, move on to the next paragraph.

To someone I sent this message, you may read.

YOLO. Well, almost every single I read the abbreviation for "you only live once", it deters my little heart. I know it must be unusual for a girl to tell her feeling towards a boy she liked.

Today I'm against the cliché.

You may question why I'm doing this. I'm nonsensical enough to brace myself this far. But hey, how am I supposed to live if everyone talks about this matter. Plus, I just simply think it is the right time to speak up.

I'm a little bit afraid, anxious and whatnot, you name it, to tell this. It has been many furious years, starting the day I met you in an old, animals-often-came-in …
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When I was in Sarawak, I was oddly passionate to go to Kuching. It was fairly unbelievable that I would step my feet there for at least once a month.


 And this is only story out of stories I ever experienced.

It was early of the year and I cried over the phone telling my mom I won’t be home at that moment. Things got messed up and I stayed in my room clinching my knees on the bed, in tears. Life got hard. I could barely get myself together. Then I packed my necessary stuffs, requested Uber and went to Kuching unplanned. My mind was blank and kept buzzing with sad thoughts so I wanted to clear it off. It was time I stayed there for days and roamed around to see few places I’ve never reached beforehand. These memories are as crystal clear as my pair of glasses and more vivid than the memories with my friends at the same exact place last November.

Kuching is absolutely breath-taking, as far I can remember. Paying bucks just to get there was truly a thing and I didn’t mind to spend my mon…
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Here, pictures of a kid peeked from his seat and looked at me.
Today marks the fifth day I’m home. It was a long, dog-tired night journey I had last Thursday. Never in my mind I would come home safe and sound since the weather was unsteady─ I was happier than ever, listened to their voices, entertained my clingy little sister.

My foundation year sucked. Big part of it was ugly and full of tears. It was the worst I’ve ever experienced and I came home to leave everything that hurts me so much behind. All the eye droplets that I had to wipe without anyone around me, all the struggles that I was almost giving up, all the heartbreaks that I need to heal and cure it by myself; all of it was so burdensome for me and made me feel empty. I lamented without anyone heard. I chinned up, calmed my own self, I was alone in my room with dull lights─ as gloomy as my heart.

Halfheartedly, I sent my close friends off the airport. It was so heart-warming to see them waving hands back to me, we exchange…
I burnt midnight oil. Then I fall into illness. My head ached. I couldn't barely think some more. I tried to take a rest and close my eyes so I hope I can sleep but no, it didn't work. During Mathematics, I tried to control myself so I didn't faint right in the middle of exam hall.
I fought my pain because I've been this far. Why must I give up?
God, it got worsened when I came back my room. I felt dizzy. Please, help me. This is my chances to do my best. I promise to myself I'd make my parents proud. Be strong, sweetheart. Take some rest and don't overpressure yourself. Sleep. Rest, dear.
Sweet dreams.
I'm alone in this empty yet silent room. It's a big deal that I need to battle on. I'm standing on my own. Nobody cares, nobody can argue on what I do.
All alone.
I know the feel of loneliness and I'm tired of it. a craving-for-a-feed soul and an urge to fill it with something that makes me feel— I'm bold to be here.
My heart bulked into one and broke into pieces every time I see people walk here and there hand-in-hand. I frequented to remind myself— "I'm okay" although the fact is I'm actually not. I can't scold the world for being truly unfair because this is a phase of life; the phase of me turning out into a heartless, emotionless on whatever people act.
No one knows on how much I cried these days. No one.
I immersed in darkness of the raining night, thinking on what should I do for the day of tomorrow and keeping on cross my fingers for a betterment in my days.
Hendak saja sepanjang merenung kenangan itu, setitis demi setitis air mata dibelai. Apakan tidak, kenangan-kenangan itu sentiasa indah, pahit dan kelam. Bagi aku, manusia lebih banyak mengingati kebanyakan kenangan pahitnya berbanding manis. Kerana apa? Pengalaman silam mematangkan. Manusia bangkit setelah makan garam.

Aku terduduk di birai katil malam itu, pantas saja peristiwa petang itu terbias semula di tubir mata. Tersenyum nipis, sudah lima tahun aku di sini. Jangka waktu yang lama. Siapa sangka, kanak-kanak ini sudah membesar tinggi hendak menuju ke takah dewasa. Masa itu selalu berputar-putar, tiada noktah lagi. Kita ini manusia-manusia cuma mampu membekukan kenangan-kenangan dalam fikiran kita, bukan detik masa.

Aku begitu sibuk petang itu; langsung tiada waktu untuk berehat. Aku cuma sempat berbaring beberapa minit sebelum berangkat pula ke kelas petang. Jika boleh, hendak sahaja aku luangkan masa bersama-sama mereka lebih lama.

Sewaktu salam wida', kubisikkan kepada …